• Sherry Pacheco

Healing a Broken Heart

There's tons of advice on how to heal your broken heart, but what if none of the advice seems to be working?

How do you find something to help you let go and move on to find a healthy, loving partner?

We've all heard the advice, "Get over it already." "You're better off." "Stay busy." We try to follow this "great" advice, but we're still miserable.
What if I don't want to wait however long it takes to heal from a broken heart. Recovering takes too long.

I recently went through a breakup. I thought we were in love, then bam! We broke up. I miss his family and we had friends that we both hung out with. Now it's awkward with some of those friends. I feel like my whole world has fallen apart. I'm heartbroken. I do all the things that you're supposed to do to feel better. I talk to friends and family. They say the same things, "You're better off. Move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea. He was a loser." They listen to you cry over and over again. The advice is great and we do our best to follow it and move on, but it's painful and difficult to forget and let go. Where do we turn? Where do we go to find answers and relief that's beneficial to our specific needs, feelings and beliefs? Some of these answers are difficult to figure out on our own. I know it takes time to heal, but I don't want to feel this miserable.

How do we let go without feeling like it's the end of the world? When a relationship is over, it's important to focus on yourself. Find out what went wrong. What attracted you to that person in the first place? Were you happy in the relationship or were you in it for the wrong reasons? It may be that you didn't want to be lonely. You thought he/she was the best you could get. Are you reliving the same patterns over and over again in every relationship?

Sometimes our limiting beliefs are keeping us from moving on. We think, "if I do this or that, I can move on." "If I was more of this or less of that, he would love me." The problem is we usually repeat the same patterns over and over again. What went wrong in the last relationship will most likely be the same thing that goes wrong in the next one. After years of failed relationship, I realized that the relationships were pretty much the same thing, just change the name. My dating profile might as well read, "Looking for a man who only thinks of himself, extremely jealous, and is bad with money. If you've filed bankruptcy at least once, that's a bonus. Your needs are more important than mine. In fact, my needs don't really matter at all when you're around. If I call you out on your B.S., you'll tell me I misunderstood or took it wrong, and ask what's wrong with me. That's not what you meant at all and you love me. You would never treat me poorly. How could I possibly think you would say or do anything that isn't loving and kind? I'll wonder if there's something wrong with me, because we both know how much you love me. I'll constantly try to fix myself and take on your beliefs so we'll have that fairy tale relationship that every woman wants."

I've been single for years. Looking back on my relationships, I've realized that everyone I've dated in the past has treated me like I don't matter. They love me and care about me, but my needs, wants, feelings and beliefs don't matter unless they're in line with my partner's beliefs. In my last relationship, my boyfriend said we have communication problems. I believed this was the case for a long time. After 4 miserable years, I realized that we have different beliefs about what it means to be in a relationship. While I didn't consciously realize it, I found out that I've had a belief that men treat women like they don't matter because that's the way my dad treated women. I realized I need to look at my beliefs. What are the false beliefs that I learned through my past experiences about relationships? I had all these subconscious beliefs that were influencing me to pick a jerk every time. I was attracting the wrong guy because of my own beliefs. All men are not jerks. realized that I had negative, self-sabotaging unconscious beliefs about relationships that were influencing me to pick the same type of man again and again.

How do you change this pattern? I went to counseling for years. Many times I felt like I was paying a friend to sit and chat. I really didn't get anything out of that I couldn't get at lunch with my friends. I started looking at holistic healing. After one particular session, I didn't feel any different, but I noticed people were treating me different. I had another session and noticed that my voice was different. When I left, I felt like I was a different person than I was when I went in. I didn't feel the same about my boyfriend as I did before. I knew throughout the relationship that he didn't treat me well, but kept making excuses for him and trying to "fix" myself so things would work out. I finally realized that he would never treat me the way I wanted. I didn't feel the same about him any longer and left 2 weeks later. I'm devastated and crying. I've had a few sessions to get over him and let the relationship go. Honestly, I'm feeling great. This is the easiest break up I've ever been through. My goal is to let go of my limiting beliefs about relationships and men so that I can find someone who treats me like the most important person in their world.

BodyTalk can help you to let go of someone that isn't healthy for you. It can help you relieve the pain and sorrow that are keeping your from moving on. At SoCo Holistic Health & Wellness we offer a plan that is tailored to your specific needs to let go of the baggage that is keeping your from moving on. You don't have to rehash to the painful past, just let go so that you can move on to a healthy, fulfilling, and loving relationship.

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